Friday, December 21, 2012

Shave or Crave, If you dont, I won't !

I am a self proclaimed OCD freak, married to a slob.  Don’t ask me how!
Out of a million things that irk me about my loving husband ,  is his obsession with facial hair. he is a software developer and pretty much works from home. So self grooming was not a necessity but also was not one of his fondest indulgences.  What he loved doing  in his free time though, is creating crop circles in what he proudly puts it as “ghar ke khati” . He even had an entire list of looks to experiment form. 

This couldn’t go on any longer. I hated his obsession with the fuzz.
Why the stubble, the beard, the French beard , the goatee and the stache, all had to go!
My reasons :
#The cheek burn – self-explanatory. 
#I couldn’t  read your smirk form the grin.
#I would get a dog if I was into patting fur, but would die before id stroke that beard.
#Hate your unpleasant experiments with them . When I come back home , can I, just for once, see the clean shaven  man I married, and not some evil twin that makes me want to run for that kitchen knife!
#And the last one takes the Oscar:
My nephew gifted my husband a book ,The Twits ,on his 30th. How thoughtful right.

The note inside the book read,     
Dear jiju ,
Rohal Dhal wrote a book about you,
You are my Mr. twit !

                              Here's what "Wikipedia" had to say bout Mr. twit:   
Mr. Twit is a horrible person, having hair that covers his entire face, with the exception of his forehead, eyes, and nose. His hair (which he falsely believes makes him appear "wise and grand"), is spiky and hard. Because he never washes it, his beard holds scraps of food dropped there while he ate, including tinned sardines, stilton cheese, and corn flakes.

For some reason my husband found this amusing, and I , didn’t !
Time for some action girl ,Finally all those classes I took bout  Strategic planning were about to pay off !
knowing the kind of guy my husband was no amount of :
#Nagging (would only be a waste of my energy),
#Sweet talking (would only make him think, who are you and what did you do to my wife),
#Emotional Attyachar(we were married for 4 yrs now,this cat left the building long time ago),
#Pleading (would only give him pleasure),
#Silent treatment (would make him think that he is on a holiday),
#Starving (would encourage him to call in take out),
was going to get him to SHAVE! So it was time he got a taste of his own medicine. I did exactly what he did. I stop shaving , waxing , threading , the works! For a MONTH. It was killing me inside, there were times when I wanted to give it all up. But I had to stand my ground.
While I was on my mission, there came a day that I was praying for. He said ,darling did u notice your donning two centipedes on your forehead and it’s not a pretty sight. And do I dare to mention your legs, they remind me of my college roommate Swami, who was not sure if was in the closet or out . For God sakes no more high fives in sleeveless tops till you deforest the little amazon.

I am CRAVING to get the feel your freshly waxed legs and your smooth embrace!
Darling! I said, just like you, I m trying to be the women nature intended me to be. If you want to look like a cave man, then, I need to play my part and look like you cave woman too. Don’t I?

If you don't shave, I won't, I said.

 I could see the look on his face, his jaw dropped to the floor, he got up, left the room , was back in 15.
    Now that’s the man I fell in love with , I said . I like it when u shave , this gives me more of you to kiss and sloop!
    Honey if u don’t mind can I tell  you something , he said ,
   get that freaking centipede off you face ,
 Its starting to give me the nightmares!

And ladies, that's how I got my man to shave! 

Shaving has become such a breeze for men with great tools like the new  Gillette fusion  that comes with 5 Blade Shaving Surface, a Precision Trimmer blade , an Enhanced Indicator Lubrastrip, and a modern razor handle. Its the best shaving system for Indian men, and is available in retail outlets across the country at an attractive price of Rs 299** only!

After all this ,you  still have to audacity to walk around with that stubble !

Shame on you!

"Just because evolution equipped you with the ability to grow a beard ,doesn't mean you have to.
 If you want to appeal to the ladies, do yourself a favor,